Today you would have turned 26. I can’t believe it’s been 11 years since I’ve seen you. I’m so sad that you’re not here. I know it was partially my fault. It was all of our fault. I had a dream that night. I dreamed demons were surrounding someone…lying to her…trying to make her go into the water. I woke up knowing I needed to go to the back porch at Moms, I didn’t know who or why just that I needed to stop the demons from destroying our family- our parents. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t go. I didn’t know how to explain to my husband why I was leaving the house so late. I didn’t know where my keys were. I had an overwhelming urge to smoke a cigarette. I sat on the porch and cried, prayed I wouldn’t ever want to kill myself. I never went to rescue you like I was supposed to. I will never forgive myself for failing you.
I find solace knowing that the Bible says blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.
Happy Birthday (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)