Forgetting about Luisa

My only sister took her own life 4 months ago. Contrary to many, I do not like thinking about her, and regurgitate in all the pain. We did not live together in the last 10 years of her life, although we were very close. Nobody in our family speaks about it, and I feel her face, voice and memories fading in my head. It’s so sad how everyone is at the funeral, and 3 months down the line nobody even thinks about it. Long and forgotten, that hurts! At only 26 years of age, what a waste of all the wonderful things she still had to do and experience. I don’t remember her tenderly, I don’t forgive her for leaving me with all the mess, my parents, all the pain. I wouldn’t have done that to her. She wrote a letter saying goodbye and I’m sorry, but that will never be enough. If anybody has ever found a non religious way to forgive a sibling who has committed suicide, please be a friend and tell me how. It’s such a weight, such anger, such dissapointment. Why were we not enough for her to fight through her bipolar disorder, why couldn’t she call and ask for help. Now she has left an infinite void in my heart and it’s there and scary at the end of every single day.

2 thoughts on “Forgetting about Luisa

  1. I also found it hard to forgive my older sister when she took her own life and find the end of the day, when lying down to sleep, scary. I’m young, but in my case, it wasn’t about forgiving her. I just have to realize that the decision she made was HER choice. And there is nothing more human than being able to make choices. For yourself.
    Although it sounds like your case is different as mental illness is involved, just know that religion doesn’t have to be included and that it’s about carrying on without heavy, dark things weighing you down just because they can. Take care.

  2. My sister suffered from bipolar and schizophrenia for the last 10yrs it was always hard for the family and I know she was in a lot of mental pain. She took her life 3 weeks ago and she left me to take care of my parents and her 14yr old boy. I sometimes get angry on how she could of left her boy alone and how she could leave us with so much pain. But mentally she was going through a lot of pain and sometimes it comforts me to think that she is free and no longer suffering from her mental illness. It was a disease that ended her. And maybe you should look at it in that aspect too.

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