Im having constant images of him dying as I imagine and it’s the most disturbing images of my life. I couldn’t watch a horror movie the same way this week as I had the last. I could barely watch anything. I don’t blame him or think he’s weak or a coward. He will be my bright shining brother till I join him, wherever that may be.
To anyone suffering tonight as I am this is for you. I don’t like people much, truth be told. But this post isn’t for them. It’s for my now secret club of sibling suicide that I can’t believe I’m a part of. I feel like im being swallowed up in sadness. Now I walk this world more alone.
You should always end something with hope I guess. I guess that’s for others. We will be stronger than them.
I hate it that we are joined in that club. I’ve never felt despair like this. Being swallowed in sadness is such a great way to describe it.
I wasn’t there when my twin sis took her life, but for some reason I have flashbacks of her doing it, down in the woods where we would hangout as teenagers. We had bought matching guns a few years ago. I had to sell mine. I hate it for you that you too are dealing with the disturbing images. Big hugs and love to you!