Baby Brother

Our mother left us too young, I know. However, you were already an angry child which I noticed being ten years older than you. I too became very angry after how she left us. I noticed your anger and your denial even when you thought no one cared. After we “grew up” I thought you had made peace. You had a band you had friends you were COOL you were for once smiling.
I grew up and I eventually let you go. You surprised us all that night after many years of UPS. God bless you. I’m sorry that I did not feel your pain I wished that you let me carry. I’m sorry that I was raising my own child at the time you needed me me most and I did not make healing your life long hurt my priority. Do know that I see you, feel, you, love you every day. A shattered broken life lost too soon.
My little brother spent 19 agonizing years here before he threw himself in front of a tractor trailer.
Why God do you instill such sufferages that only a handful of the population “get”?
People tell me to get over it or oh, that’s so sad move on.
5 years strong But really…get over it… how?

2 thoughts on “Baby Brother

  1. I lost my brother to suicide almost 9 months ago. He hung on till he was 40 and was in a lot of pain his whole life. We had a hard upbringing and it took a toll on him. I feel very guilty for not being there for him like I used to. He had attempted suicide the first time when he was 18 and called me to help and I did. I took him to the hospital. He didn’t call this time but he could see I was busy with my children and husband and worn out. I believe he didn’t want to add to my stress. Oh how I wish he would have called!! I would have been there – but it’s too late. This world beat him down. He lost his job with this crappy economy and was about to lose his apartment. ? ? he was just lonely and done. I too have people tell me to get over it. It’s horrible for them to say. I can’t see ever “getting over it”. Much love and strength to you!

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