August 13th is 1 year anniversary

Yo. Mom still never replaced the wallpaper in the kitchen (ha) and 8 mile is still as ghetto as it was when you visited. It’s your youngest sister. Along with your other siblings, M and A, your family, all your bar friends and anyone who ever met your humorous self… we all miss you so much. Being the youngest at the age of 15, I will have to deal with this the longest. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I know your birthday is ten days after it… I really wish I would have known about your depression, which you had before I was even born…..You kind of remind me of Robin Williams in some aspects because you seemed so happy and doubt-free. I read the letter you wrote to me almost everyday… At the funeral I felt the only realistically comforting support I got was a therapist’s number from the funeral director….. I hate overthinking and not being able to vent to people. I feel regret even as I know there is nothing I could have really done. This year in English, we had read a book called “Catcher in The Rye.” Even as most of my classmates said the book was a waste of trees, I do kind of feel like the main character, Holden. Maybe one day, i’ll be able to explain the book to you.. Even if we both question if Jesus exists and if you can even read this haha.

3 thoughts on “August 13th is 1 year anniversary

  1. My brother (Ronnie) forever23 died by suicide May 4th 2016. He has a 6 year old daughter and was dealing with the break up from her mother. She did everything she could to hurt and belittle him. The week before he took his life he found out she was cheating with an ex and it broke him. He never told any of us about anything that went on between the two of them. May 4th at midnight he texted his ex and told her how much he loved her, how she ruined his life and that he dont want her at his service. (She laughed at him and failed to inform us about what he said) 1230 He hung himself. My younger brother woke up at 530am for work and found him. The screams I heard play over and over again in my head. I get sick to my stomach knowing I slept for 5 hours while he was gone.

  2. My condolences. My brother was a musician and raised a lot of money (thousands) for Big Brothers Big Sisters, and really had a sense of humor.. Not the corny type he was full our funny and could make anyone laugh.. Worked at a bar and did trivia and was just overall amazing. His best friend (a cop) found him in their basement, hung in the AM on August 13 2015. The police came to our door around 5:30am on a day I was to be going to marching band practice, and my mom woke me and my other brother to tell us our older brother (I am youngest), the one I looked up to as one of the only role models in my life, was found dead. He suffered from severe depression (I found out so much deeper about him after his death) and apparently he has tried to overdose several times in his younger years, but ended up getting his stomach pumped. 34 when he took his life, thought nobody loved him yet over 300+ people came to his funeral. I never cry at funerals and I couldn’t stand at his casket the whole time, although someone put a packet of gum in his pocket, haha.. I stayed in the room with food and talked to many people whom told me how well my brother talked about his younger siblings and I felt happy-ish but in reality, the only real support I felt I got two friends and the funeral director giving me a therapists card, although it was his job to. I get to read the letters he wrote to me, my mom, my brother, and his best friend. My dad, and sister (Same father as my brother) Didn’t receive one. I can listen to his songs on soundcloud and on his album and hear his voice at least…. Suicide crosses everyone’s minds at some point at another, in various ways. I’ve thought about it a few years ago but the only thing holding me back was I care too much about everyone around me. I finally found my own happiness at freshman year of high school and then BAM that happened. I’ve learned to accept it as a young teenager that things happen but I will not let it bring me down…I have his notebook that he wrote/ was writing songs down….. In some of the lyrics in his notebook… I see the signs that I missed. It was all a sign he had depression and was stuck on his love life and I could finally see it. My sister and brother (one that took his life) hated each other and my mom and sister get drunk and consistently fight when they are around each other. It’s bittersweet to watch family fall apart over alcohol, I mean, I don’t even know if HE was sober when he did it… Everyone feels guilty and it doesn’t get better; it just becomes bearable. It’s your choice on how to perceive it and only you can let it change you for the worst, or for the better. – a random 16 yr old from detroit

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