Another Christmas Eve

I have been trying to write a letter to you for so many times. I can’t gather my thoughts to express my feelings. The only thing I feel is just missing you. I wish I could write you about how things are going on and how I’ve been doing. I’ve been very bad last days, weeks, even months.
I’m feeling so hurt, like there is no person in the whole world who could understand my pain I’m feeling because I lost you. We’ve been talking every single day,but you never told me anything about what was bothering you. I miss you so God d*** much I would give my whole life just for another day together.
My sister, I’m lonely. I’m so lonely I wish I was the first who had killed herself just not to have to deal with life so alone.
I know I can’t do this on my own.
I know you aren’t here, in my world anymore. But I do feel your spirit. You are the extra chair at the Christmas table. You are the tear that drops every single night from my eye. You are the number that never answers anymore.
You are always in my heart.

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