Afraid of the Future

I recently learned that my older brother committed suicide. At first, I was extremely heartbroken and in pain. Then, I couldn’t even come to terms with it. My brother had been missing for almost a week before we heard of his death. Now, I’m questioning everything and everyone in my life. I had trust issues before this, but now I can’t even trust some of my closest friends as well as my family. I’m pushing everyone I know and love out, and putting myself in a cage of isolation. Sometimes I can’t even close my eyes without thinking of what he went through in his final moments. I can’t talk to my family about it, cause I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I never thought that something like this would happen to me or my family. I never wanted him to die. He was always such a great big brother. No matter how many times we yelled at each other, I still loved him. I just can’t focus on a future without him. I’m gonna grow old and hopefully have a good life. And he won’t. It’s not fair. Why did he have to give up?

1 thought on “Afraid of the Future

  1. Hi, I wanted to say that I just learned yesterday of my older brothers suicide and my heart is broken like yours. I just listened to a podcast that explains the physiological trauma the brain and body are experiencing right now, and that feeling all the ways you are feeling are totally normal. I wish you healing and am here if you need anything.

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