To Charles

 

 

My house feels so empty. I hate coming home. Didn’t you know we loved having you here? Jake making breakfast every morning, we’d eat and you would pack your small cooler with sodas for lunch. And my heart would smile at you. And we’d take on the day as a team. We’d come home and you guys would watch tv, as I made dinner. And we’d watch tv, and we’d laugh and talk, and I miss that. Gosh, I miss you. Tomorrow is gonna be the hardest day of my life, and I wish you were here, so I didn’t have to do it. Why couldn’t you talk to us? We would have done anything for you. You knew I’d been there, feeling like that before, and I could have helped you. You always said you didn’t want to be a burden, truth is, and I guess you never believed me, that we didn’t want you to leave. You being here, made us happier. Taking care of you, made us happier. I need you, and now you are just gone. We love you, that will never change, it was a privilege to have known you and love you. We miss you so much!!! I often think of you, and want to send you a picture or a text, and cannot! I’ve accepted you are gone, I’ve accepted I will not see you again in this life, but yet I often forget… I still expect to see you when I pull up at mom’s. I still expect to get the random 3am texts to have me Google something for you. I still expect you to be in the backseat smiling and making fun of me when I look in the rearview mirror.

What is hardest for me to accept is that this was your choice, and that I do not understand! I try so hard not to be angry at you, as obviously you just hurt too much, but there are times I just can’t help it! I just want to scream at you! But instead I cry.

I miss you Charles!!!

-Lisa

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