three out five gone

 

I have lost three siblings in the span of four years. Our brother four years ago, our middle sister two years ago, and our oldest sister last month. I cannot wrap my head around this. We do have a history of depression and bipolar in the family. We also had a uncle on our dad’s side who committed suicide as well. I just don’t understand why. Can this be stopped. I am concerned for other family members and the next generation. I want to come through this healthy and possibly help others.They leave us so broken. I am so very angry at them for doing this. I am also sad for their families, my mom, and for me and the sibling that I have left. I am sick of walking this journey. I am constantly scared of getting more bad news. Loud noises scare me. The dark scares me. I don’t want to sleep, because the thoughts and visions take over.

I am so sorry for each of your losses. It saddens me to read the stories here, but I know that we are not alone. I was feeling so alone and crazy that this has happened in our family.

Prayers for all,

AJ

 

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2 Responses to three out five gone

  1. Beth says:

    I am so sorry that you have lost so many siblings! I can’t even begin to know what that feels like. I am like you in the sense that things that never used to bother me now send me into panic mode. I lost my 19 year old sister, my only sibling, about 3 years ago to an accidental overdose. I was home by myself 2 nights ago for the first time since she passed (I have a fiancĂ© and son who are always around me) and I completely lost it. Panic attack and overwhelming sadness just hit me out of nowhere. I have ongoing anger issues and pretty bad anxiety. It is so hard to move passed something that is not only losing a loved one but losing them so young and in a traumatic way. I am so sorry for your losses and hope that you find effective ways to cope and find much peace and happiness in your life. I believe that we will see them all again. Sometimes that’s the only thing that makes me feel a little comfort.

  2. Debbie says:

    AJ,
    I’m so sorry for your losses. I know the pain of losing my only brother on July 6th. I have a deep worry that other family members will do the same thing. It seems like once that door is opened it becomes an option for those of us left behind. It isn’t an option though. I pray that you will find peace and a way to work through the grief.

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