Scott Mckellar Cox II, you broke my heart.

Scott Mckellar Cox II was my 19 year old big brother. He was generally the happiest, kindest, and loving person I know. He was my best friend, my mentor, my fellow nerd, and he was my brother. He suffered severely from anxiety and depression, and he attempted suicide in 2012, but failed. He promised me he would never do it again, because he knew how much pressure and sadness it put in me. But when I asked Mckellar to get in the pool with me on vacation and he told me he would after he got something in the car, I wish with all of my heart I could’ve stopped him. But I didn’t. And while I was floating in that damned pool a gunshot rang from that truck, and there he was. You broke every atom in my heart, Mckellar, but your suffering is over now. I’m not a religious person. I don’t know if there is a heaven, if there’s a god, or if we’re all some accident that just so happened to be, and when you die it’s lights out. But I do know that I loved my brother more than anything in the world. If you’re reading this and you share my pain, just know that we’re not alone. I miss you brother. Rest easy.

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4 Responses to Scott Mckellar Cox II, you broke my heart.

  1. hunter salazar says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my brother to suicide who was also 19 years old. I’m the big brother (22 years old) and it was the early morning around 4 am July 30th this year. We were also on vacation but only in my case he didn’t come with us. I just keep thinking if we would have just brought him with us we he wouldn’t have died. the pain is almost unbearable.

  2. Bridgette says:

    The pain can be so unbearable. 😓 Please reach out and talk to at least 1 person about your crushing greif. You need to work through the waves of emotions. Keep fighting to honour your beloved brothers. That is what I fight for since I lost my brother to suicide this past November. Talking about it and sharing our stories helps others. Much love to you both!! 🖤

  3. A fellow Captain says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know your brother very closely and did boxing with him. He was a genuine guy and one of the best guys I have ever known. Hang in there man. I know things are gonna look bad, and they’re going to be hard and there will be a **** ton of hard days, but always remember there will also be good ones. Live life for you and live life for him. Keep pushing buddy.

  4. Christopher Edwards says:

    Dang…this is so sad. I stumbled upon this while researching some of my old college buddies from VCU back in the late 1980’s. McKellar’s stepdad, Kerry James, to be exact. My sympathies to you all. And yes, there is a god., there is a heaven, and jesus himself was in particular, anti-religious (but there’s quite a bit of theology involved in that statement)…We are not an accident, and definitely after this temporary physical life has ended, we simply do NOT cease to exist. Our consciousness remains. God breathed his life spirit into us, and we must renew that spirit at some point in order to be reconciled back unto Him, as our lost hopeless condition cries out for a savior/substitute to take upon the penalty of our disobedience.

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