Scott Mckellar Cox II was my 19 year old big brother. He was generally the happiest, kindest, and loving person I know. He was my best friend, my mentor, my fellow nerd, and he was my brother. He suffered severely from anxiety and depression, and he attempted suicide in 2012, but failed. He promised me he would never do it again, because he knew how much pressure and sadness it put in me. But when I asked Mckellar to get in the pool with me on vacation and he told me he would after he got something in the car, I wish with all of my heart I could’ve stopped him. But I didn’t. And while I was floating in that damned pool a gunshot rang from that truck, and there he was. You broke every atom in my heart, Mckellar, but your suffering is over now. I’m not a religious person. I don’t know if there is a heaven, if there’s a god, or if we’re all some accident that just so happened to be, and when you die it’s lights out. But I do know that I loved my brother more than anything in the world. If you’re reading this and you share my pain, just know that we’re not alone. I miss you brother. Rest easy.
This is not a suicide or crisis resource. Please contact a counselor, family member, friend, or emergency services if you are having suicidal thoughts.
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