Approaching 6 years (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

Subject: Approaching 6 years

I found this site a few years ago and now have the app installed on my phone. I don’t open it too often, maybe once a month. I read thru the guest posts and feel the pain. I understand the feelings so many think no one can possibly understand. I have been there, I still am.
My younger brother shot himself in the head on feb 4th, 2012. He was 25 years old, getting a divorce and a Marine.
I am finally seeing a counselor, finally working thru the feelings. I have been shoving them deep down, ignoring them. But this year is a year of great change. I am divorcing my husband of 10 years and opening up to the world.
The hurt of losing my younger brother hasn’t lessened any. I still think of him everyday, whether I speak of him or not. It is a cycle of talking and crying and finding someone to listen. Whether you hold it in or let it out, everything is real and ok. Our lives are never, ever going to be the same. Nor should they, we have felt a loss so profound. For me, I am going for what makes me happy, I am not letting life’s negativity or other people hold me back. There have been two life altering events, losing my brother and finding my father. Two things that I couldn’t even dream of when I was younger, and now they have happened and for the good and the bad, I am here still.
I pull down my brothers flag case, with his picture and his medals. I open it up and if alone, I cry. I let it out, then I pull it back in and continue.

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