Approaching 6 years (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

Subject: Approaching 6 years

I found this site a few years ago and now have the app installed on my phone. I don’t open it too often, maybe once a month. I read thru the guest posts and feel the pain. I understand the feelings so many think no one can possibly understand. I have been there, I still am.
My younger brother shot himself in the head on feb 4th, 2012. He was 25 years old, getting a divorce and a Marine.
I am finally seeing a counselor, finally working thru the feelings. I have been shoving them deep down, ignoring them. But this year is a year of great change. I am divorcing my husband of 10 years and opening up to the world.
The hurt of losing my younger brother hasn’t lessened any. I still think of him everyday, whether I speak of him or not. It is a cycle of talking and crying and finding someone to listen. Whether you hold it in or let it out, everything is real and ok. Our lives are never, ever going to be the same. Nor should they, we have felt a loss so profound. For me, I am going for what makes me happy, I am not letting life’s negativity or other people hold me back. There have been two life altering events, losing my brother and finding my father. Two things that I couldn’t even dream of when I was younger, and now they have happened and for the good and the bad, I am here still.
I pull down my brothers flag case, with his picture and his medals. I open it up and if alone, I cry. I let it out, then I pull it back in and continue.

2 thoughts on “Approaching 6 years (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

  1. Hi, your story kind of stood out to me. On July 12, 2014, my older and only brother shot himself in head. He too was 25. We’d lost our 18 year old sister, my big sister and his little sister, a year prior to gun violence. He was there with her as she lay dying in his arms. I am still angry that he did something so selfish, leaving behind kids and an already grieving family. How didn’t we see the signs?? Today I laugh and smile at memories, tomorrow I cry, then the next day I’m mad again. But mostly I just try to spend as much time as possible with my family and we’re open about everything going on in our lives. We keep each other strong❤️ Depression isn’t a joke and people need to pay attention to signs in family members or friends.

  2. Tears are streaming down my face as I read your post. I lost my younger brother in the same manner 4 years ago. Besides immediate family I have not sought professional counseling or even confided in a friend; partly because I didn’t trust that opening up would help ease my pain. I read through blogs such as this one and used Pinterest to express my grief. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to normalize my own grief. When i miss my brother the most I cry uncontrollably and unexpectedly. I totally understand releasing your grief when you’re alone because I find myself doing the same since every one is grieving differently from each other. Live life to the fullest and may you continue to have the life you want. ??

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