8 months since I became an only child

Eight months ago my big brother hung himself. He had struggled with mental illness his whole life and a serious of unfortunate events combined with inadequate medications were the cause behind his choice. He was 24 years old, I was 19 at the time. He was my best friend and I struggle with my own problems from time to time and he would help me through them all. I miss him so much because he was always there for me, and I just wish I could have been there for him more. Since I got that phone call on July 11th of last year I have been so numb to my emotions and can’t begin to think about him because of my fear that I may never stop crying. If anyone else has a similar experience to mine please share it. I feel so completely alone in this and it is so hard to find someone who has been through even close to similar circumstances. I would be more than happy to share more with you and listen to everything you have to say.

Jessamyn

 

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5 Responses to 8 months since I became an only child

  1. Magdaline says:

    Jessamyn, I do know exactly what you are doing through. I, too, am now an only child. I lost my brother John 14 years ago and he was my best friend. I didn’t think I could go on without him – I wasn’t sure how I would. In time, the wound heals but the scar never goes away. What helped me was reaching out, as you are doing. I went to Survivors of Suicide groups where I found others like me and was able to share my grief. I also ended up writing a book about my experiences for other siblings – to share my story and keep John’s memory alive. It was a hellish first few years, but I kept going because I knew he would want me to. He didn’t take his life so I would stop living mine. I began to live for both of us and I have seen the world with him. My only advice to you is to continue to reach out and let yourself feel your grief, whatever it is. There is no right or wrong. You are not alone! Please continue to reach out…

  2. Amanda says:

    I lost my only brother on August 18, 2014. I’m 2 years older than him and we had been planning on going out for his 21st birthday, which is the day before Christmas Eve. He never showed any signs or had any kind of mental illness that we knew about, he just decided that it was his time to go. I really and truly don’t know what to do with myself, I cry when I listen to songs he used to sing and I try not to think about him in public because I don’t want people to see me upset. Just know that you’re not alone and ill be here if you need someone to talk to, it might just help both of us.

    • Tessa says:

      Hi Amanda, I just wanted to reach out because you’re the first person I’ve encountered that also says there were no signs. I lost my only brother this September, at 25, he was two years younger than me. There had been no cries for help and we realise now he must have been mentally ill but we didn’t know at the time, he didn’t show any signs that we’d picked up on and he’d always been a happy, optimistic and down to earth boy. I’m incredibly up and down, the only constant I feel is this aching, empty loss. It is some comfort though to know that I’m not alone in what I’m going through, which is why, wherever you are in the world, I just thought I’d say hello. Tessa

  3. Laura says:

    Jessamyn, I’m so sorry for your loss. I also lost my only sibling and it’s so hard not having my first best friend around anymore. It changes who you are as a person and I think only those who have lost their only sibling can truly understand that aspect of it.

    Thank you for sharing, I’m glad you are reaching out– it’s so good to connect with others who understand.

    Thinking of you!
    -Laura

  4. Kristin says:

    Hey, Jessamyn. I just wanted to say that you are not alone, I Lost my big brother over 2 years ago. Your relationship sounds similar to mine. He was my best friend, and he was always there for me. He helped me through struggles I had, and understood me better than anyone. I know your pain, and I am so very sorry.

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