Wish you could see me

Hey Tonio,
I made it. It is the end of my senior semester of college. I’m going to graduate soon. You made it one difficult time of my life tho. I lost you at the very start of my freshman year. I had to learn to cope with your decision while over 2,000 miles from home, in a place I knew no one and thrown into the chaos that first-semester college has on any freshman deals with. I managed to complete all my semesters. I managed to learn to cope with the grief enough to do what I had to do. But now… I’m struggling to complete my final assignments. I feel guilty for my success in the journey that I started just before I lost you. I keep remembering my thoughts when I first received the call. How I shouldn’t have left you, that maybe if I stayed you wouldn’t be gone. You promised me you would visit me here. That was what you told me the morning I was leaving to drive across the country. We had plans and promises. You were so proud of the fact that I was making something of myself. You knew how much of my growing up was spent taking care of you and raising the little boys. You knew I gave up my childhood to be the adult, even when you supposed to be taking care of us I took up the responsibilities because you couldn’t. Every day now I would give anything to go back to taking care you instead of me experiencing life. I just want you back. I want to talk to you again. I want you to see the fact I’m finishing school. I want to know I made you proud.
I love you man,
hope your having a blast wherever you are now.
Love your baby sister

2 thoughts on “Wish you could see me

  1. My heart is with you. You should be so proud of yourself that you graduated college while dealing with all of this. Thats not easy. I wish we could get our big brothers back too. Wish we could go back in time and maybe prevent what happened. I feel you and you are so brave to share with us.

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