I miss you a lot. It’s been 10 months and the only thing that’s on my mind is you. I’ve genuinely been struggling without you here. struggling to the point that I don’t really want to do anything, I don’t want to eat, sleep or talk to anyone. All i’m doing is just rotting in bed either on my phone to distract myself from what happened or going to work/school to distract myself or just thinking about what went wrong. Was it my fault? Why did you do it? What was your last thought? did I not show you how much I loved you-enough? I know that I’m your little sister, like we are only 6 years apart, but I just wish you could have told me what was going on, and what you were going through cause I would have done anything to help you. I just started grade 12 and I’m genuinely so confused, so stressed and I’m not sure what I’m doing. I just started the semester and I’m just passing my classes which I hate, cause you know, i’m a A student and never in these 3 years have I ever gotten below an A. Plus it’s also the university application year, so that whole thing is really stressing me out but hopefully I figure it out and get into a good university. I also got my G2, so hopefully you’re proud of me… but…life…sucks, and I felt like it was just yesterday that it happened and I can’t seem to move on.  I’m not gonna lie, I’m not ready for the present or the future, I’m stressed and I just wish you were here and I’m just stuck here, taking care of our little siblings that I can’t really share my feelings to cause they don’t know what happened and literally no one has a bond like us, and all my life I genuinely thought you were gonna be here, that we’d travel, hang out, get old together and do so much more. And now…I’m just scared that you’re not here. And I hate that I’m now the oldest and I don’t know what I’m doing.