I miss you both. I’ve been listening to your old favorite artists to feel closer to the both of you. Nick, it has been 13 years since I got to see your goofy smile. I’m all grown up now. I’ll never stop telling the story about how you pulled the trampoline over to the side of the house and tried to jump onto it from the roof with me. Mama heard your footsteps up there and yelled at you so loud I think the whole neighborhood heard! I wish you hadn’t made the dumb decision that you did. You were still so young but you were an adult and you knew better. Mama misses you every single day, and I know I miss you too. Your son is a cool dude, he’s going to be in high school soon! I wish you were here to see how he’s just like you.
Bobby, it’s been 7 years since you left us. And I know it’s a mix of experiencing your death as an adult, instead of a kid, and having been closer to you all those years, but it’s still so much harder for me to think about you, and talk about you, than it is about Nick. You were more complicated, too. We had a weird relationship, you were so much older than me. Your daughter is two years younger than me and since you had her in high school and raised her across the hall from me, she and I are more like siblings than aunt and niece. But you always treated me like your cool little sister, not your child, and in high school I thought you were the coolest dude I knew. I absolutely LOVED the days you’d roll up to school to pick me up in your pimped out white Tahoe, blasting 2pac. Giving me advice on how to be more confident at school, to get people to respect me. I never felt more cool. I also never felt more alone than the day my mom told me you left us in my high school parking lot. And I had to tell your daughter. I have seen her grow into such a strong woman despite what life has thrown at her. We miss you so badly, not a day goes by that you don’t cross our minds. She’s the only one I talk to about you anymore. I think she’s the only one who will ever get it.
I like to think both of you are together, somewhere, playing video games, having rap battles and making mischief like you always used to. I hope the both of you are chillin like villains, wherever you are. I love you both so much, always.
One thought on “To My Brothers”
Thinking of you. Losing one sibling is extremely hard I cannot image losing two. My heart is with you. 💜