So disconnected

I feel so lonely without my brother. It’s only been a little over 4 months and I feel like I don’t know how to live properly anymore. I feel like I need to take care of mom. I’m so worried about her it makes me sick. I can’t focus on school and I can’t afford to mess up again. It feels like no one cares about me really. All of my friendships feel vapid and fake and I can hardly bring myself to reply to most people. I find myself growing closer to people who are far away from me. People who won’t be mad at me for flaking or being boring in person because I simply don’t have to actually be around them. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I miss you so much. I need you here.

3 thoughts on “So disconnected

  1. I know how it feels, and it sucks. I lost my sister 6 months ago, and unfortunately, at least for me it hasn’t gotten easier. I think of her daily and often find myself alone, crying, just trying to understand why, or if there was something I could’ve done. I’m not sure we’ll ever get answers, but hang in there. I’d love to tell you it’ll get better, but I honestly don’t know if it will, but we can hope. Sorry for your loss.

  2. I understand your feelings. I lost my brother nearly 2 years ago. To tell you it gets easier, would be a lie. I can tell you though, that you learn to cope with the feelings you have. Keep your chin high and keep pushing forward.

  3. Hang in there. It´s really hard. But don´t give up. It will get easier in time. Not fast, but eventually it will.

    I lost my big brother ten years ago. Drugs involved but mostly depression. I felt so shocked and helpless and guilty for years. Last month on the date of his death I went to his grave with a bottle of whiskey and wanted to to be true to him and me. After all we spent a lot of time drinking together so it felt honest to mourn him our own way. After that I felt being little more at ease. No easy feelings but more like being true to them and to him.

    Mourning doesn´t come easy. You have all these clouds that doubt your love and sadness. Don´t let them fool you. You know what you feel and what you know and noone else.

    Don´t give up. I want to send you all the love that I have. it will get easier and you will heal. Not fast, but eventually. hang in there.

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