One year ago today….

My Dearest Kate,
It was exactly one year ago today that we received that horrible call from the Toronto police – a call that changed our lives permanently, that you’d taken your own life in a creepy, dilapidated hotel in downtown Toronto. Since then me, mom and dad have been grappling with feelings of guilt, sadness and anger, wondering if there was anything we could’ve done to stop you. I know you’d gone off your meds, and that does somehow make it easier to understand, but not accept. I miss you each and every day, and think of you each morning when I wake up and each night when I go to sleep. The great times we had as kids, the time we were apart when you disappeared – us not knowing where you were for so many years, or that you’d been diagnosed and committed for your mental illness. The truth is Kate, we loved you more than you ever knew, and I just wish I’d have told you more. This past year I’ve kept thinking that once we hit the one year mark I’d be able to move past the grief, but it just hasn’t happened. The only comfort I have is knowing you’re in heaven and one day I’ll see you again. I’ve asked mom and dad to dinner tomorrow night as a celebration of your life, but I suspect they’re too upset, so maybe a quiet night In is best for everyone. I hope I’m some ways that you’re looking down on us and seeing what this has done to us, and maybe in some way realizing now how much you’re missed. That’s it for now, but I’ll write you again. Miss you and love you always.
Your brother.

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