My Salty Dalty

My little brother Dalton James decided to end his pain on Sept. 16, 2016. He was 28. Our older brother was the first one contacted and he immediately called me first. I was celebrating my birthday with friends and he knew he couldn’t tell me while I was not in a sober state. When I called him the next morning, he broke the news to me that Dalton had ended his life. To this day I am still in denial. Knowing my older brother had to bear this information by himself all night is heart breaking. I had to tell my older sister, and that was the hardest phone call of my life.
Dalton was so unbelievably smart and so nice and caring. He loved learning and was a genius with computers. He never went to college for that, but rather taught himself. I wish more than anything that I could see and talk to him again. I have all our text messages still and I read them often.
The worst part is not knowing if he was happy, sad, scared, mad or relieved right before he pulled the trigger. Knowing that he left this life alone and in this manner makes my heart so utterly broken. No words can describe the pain.

I have his baby ‘Artemis’ (a besenji) with me now. I know Dalton would be so happy knowing he’s in a good home. He hates loud noises that resemble a gun shot; I just hope he didn’t see Dalton after his death.

We love you Salty Dalty!! You will forever be missed. I know it would be selfish to expect him to live just so we won’t be sad. I wish I could’ve taken all of his mental anguish away. I wish I could have one more hug. The last hug I got, I didn’t let go for a long time. I love you, with all my heart <3

5 thoughts on “My Salty Dalty

  1. How difficult it is to feel these sad emotions.
    I’m very sorry for your loss.
    And at such a young age makes it so sad.
    I pray you and your siblings find peace (and family). My Brother too was gifted with the tech knowledge with that why? It is the hard unanswered questions.
    I hope you all find peace.
    God bless

  2. how did you cope with it? i mean, i’m sure you’re still coping.. but you mentioned you were celebrating your birthday. do you think you can ever celebrate your birthday ever again?

    i don’t mean to offend. it’s just that my sister did it a night before my birthday (12th Sep’16). I flew out from London to India and her body was cremated on my birthday. I know its not about me.. its about her.. she was probably in too much pain to think anything, but we were close (very close) & to think she did it a night before is even more heart wrenching.

    i get so angry at times, not at her, but in general. I want to throw things around and punch people and break stuff. I’m a happy person, or was at the least. I used to sing in the bathroom, now all i do is think and cry. my throat is perpetually parched. how do you cope? I’m only asking cuz i don’t know what to do. or think. r say. or even feel.

    1. My baby brother Dillon hung himself the Sunday after Thanksgiving. But the firemen got him down and he was still alive, but barley. No activity in his brain anymore. And it was a whole week before he actually took his last breath. He was surrounded by me and my other brother and our parents and grandparents the night he took his last breaths. I find not much but a little comfort knowing that he wasn’t alone at the end. He passed away on December 2,2016. And I understand your question about how to cope, how to feel how to think. I don’t know anything anymore. My fiance keeps me busy but I’m just masking all of this incredible pain. I’m so very sorry for your loss and I do hope that one day we all find the answers to the questions of how we are supposed to go on without our siblings.

    2. Hi, I just saw this message. Apologies for the delay. I don’t really know how I’m coping with it. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. It doesn’t seem to be getting any easier either. I miss him so much. I would give anything to have him back.

      I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. I have no suggestions on what to do to help. I guess just do whatever makes you not as sad. I find I don’t really smile as much as I used to. I just feel this emptiness that is indescribable. I feel for you. Again, my condolences.

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