It was 9 years ago that my little brother had his life taken by unbearable depression: January 30, 2013.
We were 1.5 years apart. He had just turned 30 years old and was close to graduating with a Ph.D from Oxford University. We’re from a blue collar family on the south side of Chicago, so we were so proud of him. He could translate Ancient Greek and Latin. I used to tease him that he was going to school at Hogwarts. We were both obsessed with Harry Potter and Star Wars. We were so close that we could finish each other’s sentences and we always knew what the other was feeling, even when we were an ocean apart.
We were 1.5 years apart. He had just turned 30 years old and was close to graduating with a Ph.D from Oxford University. We’re from a blue collar family on the south side of Chicago, so we were so proud of him. He could translate Ancient Greek and Latin. I used to tease him that he was going to school at Hogwarts. We were both obsessed with Harry Potter and Star Wars. We were so close that we could finish each other’s sentences and we always knew what the other was feeling, even when we were an ocean apart.
After he died, I was forever changed. I had been his big sister for 30 years. And I felt like he left me behind. I have a wonderful husband and 5 beautiful children but…there’s a huge piece of my heart that is gone, forever.
I’m not scared of death anymore. I know somewhere, my dear one is waiting for me. And his is the first face I’ll see when that day comes that I cross over the veil.
Rest In Peace my dearest Tommy until we meet again.
Does it ever come to your mind that if he he was still here he would have taken his own path and maybe have a partner and numerous children, live who knows where, so at the end you would rarely see ench other? The reason why I’m asking this it’s because I have a sister as well, she has a husband and two children, for issues we have with our brother, who has ADHD, we don’t talk anymore, and I have lots of issues, including chronic healths problems, and I know she would write most of the things you wrote if I did this. I think that when we lose someone we care we tend to idolize the relationship we would have had if she or he was still here. This is what I sometime think when I read stories of the siblings survivor.
I hope who ever you are, you read this. Every family has tons of issues. Every relationship has tons of issues. That’s just part of being human. Death didn’t make me idolize my brother. He used to call me his psychic twin. I’d put my hand over the phone at times knowing it was about to ring with a call from him and vice-versa. At times, he comes to me in my dreams and we talk or he pulls me out of a nightmare. These dreams are more vivid and real than any others.
It’s not that you forget the bad when someone dies and idolize the good. Believe me. I know plenty I wish I didn’t about my brother. But I’ve never stopped loving him deeply.
Death makes you realize the unfathomable pain of having half of your heart disappear forever and nothing ever again will ever fill that empty hole. It changes you forever. Yes, we live on and we honor those that are gone. But we continue to slowly bleed until the day we see them again. At least that’s how I feel. I don’t idolize my brother at all. I yearn for the piece of me he took when he left, because since he’s been gone, I’ve never been whole.
Don’t doubt for a second how much your sister loves you. Take what she says to heart.
I feel so much of this. My brother was 15 months younger than me, we lived in different counties but were still close. He was 31. I’m 2 years without him and it’s nice to see people coming back here years and years later. Forever in our hearts. Lots of love to you and your family… x