My brother, my best friend.

I’ll never forget my dads scream. He’s a SWAT captain- I’ve never heard him cry. But I mean it when I say it- he screamed at the top of his lungs while I was swimming in the condo pool. I was out in an instant and approaching his locked car. He pried at the locked door, and resulting in smashing the window with his elbow. There I saw him feeling my brothers pulse. He was sitting in the front seat, leaning slightly forward. I walked around the front of the car when my dad told me to run and get my sister and to stay in the room for a long time. But I didn’t listen. I stared at my brother, 19, my best friend, and our thousands of thousands of adventures we lived- zip lining in Costa Rica or playing hours and hours of video games. But he just sat there, blood seeping from his forehead, my dad’s off-duty .45 in his lap. Hearing my dad’s sobs as he held his dead son is something I wouldn’t have had nightmares of. I miss you mckellar. Rest in paradise.

One thought on “My brother, my best friend.

  1. My twin (31) committed suicide on 9.14.17. I rarely have seen my dad cry my entire life. He found him after he hung himself and he called me from the scene. I can’t describe the sound except it’s something I will never forget – I don’t know if I want to forget. It’s haunting to remember. I am sorry that you went through such a traumatic event, it doesn’t matter, I understand. Still, very sorry, I am not sure of your age but whatever it is its too young. The only benefit is we have hopefully enough time to be able to live with this, our parents unfortunately do not and I have so much more empathy for my parents and yours. Take care.

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