My brother couldn’t carry on

I just found this site, I wanted to find people who’d been through this. My brother, Andrew, died by suicide yesterday morning.
It’s been less than 48 hours but it feel so long. The house creaks and I think it’s him in his room. I don’t know what to say to my family. I don’t know what to do, how to be with family without him. We would always be together at times like this, we’d be glued to each other’s sides. We were always on each other’s team and I feel so alone.
When we were together we could almost read each other’s minds and so I feel like I should have been able to stop it. He was so ill for so long and the pain was just too unbearable. He left a note but didn’t say he loved us.
I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and him still be gone.

3 thoughts on “My brother couldn’t carry on

  1. I’m so sad your brother made the decision he did. And I’m sad you had to find the site. It’s not something you want to bond with someone over. It’s been 7 years since my brother left us and I still remember those initial months like it was today. We were also very very close and I had many of the same emotions and thoughts of how to pick up the pieces. Continue to reach out for help. Look at some of the resources on the site on how to start processing and grieving. I find many of them very helpful. Virtual hugs and sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss, this is the worst club to be a member of. My big brothers suicide was just over a year ago. There is still days that I think this is all some awful nightmare. I found a letter my brother had written me years ago from boot camp. He said I knew him better than anyone else this the world. I understand that feeling of “I should have known something wasn’t right, I should have been able to prevent this.” For me, seeking grief counseling was a huge part of my own process. Sometimes you just need someone to help you through the hurt, guilt, anger, confusion and sadness. He was my only sibling, it is hard because no one in your family understands your perspective. You have us. We all understand what it is like to lose your first best friend. xoxo

  3. Reading this took me back to the time right after my little brother took his life… I can feel it deep in me when I read your post. I’m not gonna lie. It’s never gonna “be okay”. But I promise it becomes bearable, and it definitely gets a hell of a lot better than the initial months/year. Life doesn’t ever go back to normal or how it was, but you will eventually be able to live life as a normal human being without feeling constant pain and agony. I’ll really be thinking of you. It’s okay to feel a million different emotions, or none at all. But seek counseling. It’s okay to need help and it’s better to get it sooner than later.

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