Subject: Lost my brother to suicide – Year on from that awful day I am struggling to cope

My only brother who was 2 years older then me took his own life by hanging himself on 11th August 2018. He was the funniest, kindest, quirkiest person I’ve ever known. He had tried to save our family friend from dying after inhaling butane when he was 17 and wasn’t the same since – always keeping his feelings to himself.
I was absolutely devastated to lose my only brother and being an only child hasn’t only left a whole in my heart but still almost doesn’t feel real. The fact that we lived quite far away from each other when I was 14 maybe has this effect that I will still visit him soon. Months after I was coping – meeting new friends, finding more work and trying to carry on with my life.
Now its almost a year on I am going downhill – taking recreational drugs and drinking more then I should. Overtime things start to go well, everything seems to crumble and I lose control. Almost feels like a ‘one step forwards, two steps back’ situation.
I still gave hope but it’s difficult. I just want to reach out and say to people; be strong and speak to others, I can understand the hurt and pain that other victims and family members would be feeling. Love to all and always know there is ALWAYS someone that cares.