Losing my big brother

August 20th, 2017, I woke up thinking it would be another normal day. Little did I know I’d find my 20 year old brother laying on the ground next to the back deck with a noose above his body. My brother and I were close, I’m 19, having us only be a year apart in age (aka Irish twins). My fiancé tried cpr on him until emts and police arrived, my heart still sinks thinking about it. I’m an LNA and CPR certified myself, but I knew he was already gone. Not to mention I was 32 weeks pregnant at the time. This all happened less than a month ago, I’m still processing it all. I’m still waiting for it to feel real and it doesn’t. I feel like there is something I could have done, something I could have said to prevent all this. He didn’t leave a note, so all that runs through my mind is “why”. I wish I could just have one more conversation with him, I wish I knew where his spirit lingered or if he was ok and at peace. I miss my big brother, he always had my back, he even got into fist fights when we were younger and boys were picking on me. He was my best friend. I miss you, Nicholas Stephen Drohan. I would do anything to bring him back. 🙁

3 thoughts on “Losing my big brother

  1. So sorry. Lost my brother too and can relate to all feelings you have. Such a significant time for you being pregnant.i pray for your strength during these times. Feelings can take you like the ocean’s tide, unpredictable and fierce at times. Please take care and allow yourself to go through the emotions and work on forgiveness all around. Much love! Xo ?

  2. I found my brother in his car after he had shot himself the first day of July. Seeing my best friend like that, it’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s a bond we unfortunately have to share, but there is peace in knowing we are not alone. Times will get better.

  3. I’m so sorry. My sister was 27 and it happened two weeks ago. We were actually also Irish twins—10 months apart. My heart is broken and I can’t even imagine how to move forward. Reading posts here is helping me a bit as I don’t feel as alone. No one else seems to understand. Everyone says the wrong things. My sister was my heart. I loved her more than I can express with words and now that she’s gone I just don’t know. I’m lost. I can’t imagine the rest of my life without her, nor do I want to. It is so horrible and unbearable. Every second of every day. It was just the two of us. Now it’s just me. She was my partner in life and now we won’t grow old together. I’m just so broken.

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