It’s been almost 7 years since you left. I keep switching back and forth between being angry at you and just overwhelmingly sad. The more I try to be around people and fill the gap you left in my life, the bigger the gap feels. I’m still bffs with E and she talks about wanting kids. I’m glad I get another chance at being an aunt but I don’t want to be an aunt to her kids I want to be an aunt to yours. I feel so lost still. I’ll never get used to not having a big sister trying out new experiences before I have to. I feel lonely in a way that being around people can’t fix and that’s because I’m missing a chunk of my life. Things will never be truly okay for me. You ruined my life but I still love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone on this planet.
I have a lot more I could say but it doesn’t really matter because you’re not here to hear it.