I wish I knew you were hurting

Dear Mike, it’s now been about 2 1/2 days since you took your life and ended your pain. I am broken, my heart hurts and when I cry it gets so uncontrollable that it feels like I could have a heart attack. I am the saddest I’ve ever been, ever. Even when we lost dad to cancer 2 1/2 years ago, I knew he was sick and there was no cure for him so we were more accepting when he passed. He wasn’t suffering anymore. But you, you felt all alone in a new state without any family, depending on a woman for love and acceptance and she let you down. I am so mad at myself that I didn’t stop you from going there with her. I can’t shake what you did from my head. You left behind your 3 grown kids that are devastated as well. Your oldest needed you. He’s a sensitive soul and you left him. His mother doesn’t help him. You were his rock. I understand the torment you must have had because of our childhood but I didn’t realize you were in so much pain. I wish you had reached out to me. I would have tried to help you. I would have done anything for you, my little brother. I don’t know how I’m going to get passed this. I love you more than you know. Your sister, Jackie

4 thoughts on “I wish I knew you were hurting

  1. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I lost my little brother to suicide 4 months ago and I understand how you feel. He relied on a woman for love and when she left him, he was devastated. He felt he was better off. I’m sorry for all the pain you’re experiencing. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt.

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss too. It’s a terrible pain that I don’t feel will ever lessen. I feel like a shell of my former self just going through motions everyday. Sending you peace & hugs

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