Serg, I cannot believe we will be reaching 1 year next month, the worst part of it is that I havent seen, kissed, hugged, talked, text YOU in almost a year… AND will not ever be able to until we see eachother again in heaven. This is so devastating to me, us and everyone that loved you. Our mom is the worst of all, she keeps telling us that you are probably lonely and she needs to go soon to be with you, our dad is hanging on the best he can trying to comfort our mom, at times we seem to be normal but one memory or flashback of you and we start all over with the pain again.. I have seemed to manage to move on somehow because I have faced reality and have realized no matter what I do, no matter how much I suffer you are not coming back & I have to pull it together for my family. I find myself thinking of you every day, there has not been one day since you left that you are not on my mind. I love you & am mad at the same time, mad because you forced us to live a life without you & you didnt bother to think about how this would bring such heartache, unbearable pain, a sadness beyond belief, your selfish act was our worst nightmare! Maybe I am the selfish one, I wasnt the one living with MS, depression, mental issues etc. but you knew we would of done the impossible to save your life, I wish you would have given us a choice. Instead, I will plan a 1 year memorial service on Dec 5, 2018 although you left us on November 29th I want to remember the day we had your beautiful service & not the tragic day you took your life away from us. I sound bitter Serg but I am not, I just miss you so much that I rather be mad than destroyed inside, it helps me get through by staying mad but then I find myself saying sorry to you for being mad and not understanding why you left us. I love you with all my heart & miss you so much it hurts so bad. I hope you will be there with all of us at your 1 year memorial service.. your loving sis
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