I lost my older brother today (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

Subject: I lost my older brother today

My brother passed away today. He killed himself. He was my only sibling. His wife of 30 years left him a month ago. I and others have tried to help him. Then I got the call this morning. He planned it very carefully labeling everything in the house and who should get it. Why didn’t he call me first? You call your brother when you need help. That’s what brothers are for. He was heartbroken and crushed and could no longer take the pain. I feel like I am in a nightmare. The grief I feel is terrible. I have lost a part of me.

3 thoughts on “I lost my older brother today (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

  1. So sorry. ? I lost my brother last year so I can relate. It’s devastating. Please get support for yourself. ❤!!

  2. Hi there,

    I’m so so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain and grief so deeply. I saw your post and I had to respond.
    I lost my brother yesterday as well. He was 26 and I’m his younger sister and only sibling at 23. He hanged himself in the woods. He was also pretty calculated with how he went about this. Got his finances and visits with friends/fam in order… He had always suffered from depression and anxiety and he must of made a choice a month or so in advance because he was so pleasant to be around after a lot of years of him being in a really dark and angry space. My family and I had been praising him directly about how much progress he’d made and how proud we are. Im honestly starting to feel like he was in a good or at least pleasant disposition because he was already at peace with his decision. Anyways, before I knew it, he didn’t come home after running errands and the next moment, the officers arrived at our home to tell me what had happened.
    I couldn’t sleep last night. And it was so hard to even feign sleep because every time I closed my eyes, all I could imagine was him alone and in the cold and preparing himself for the inevitable. I’m angry and lost and so so so lonely for him. I just wanna give him a hug or even hear him eating cereal in the morning, ya know?
    I find myself asking that same question of, “why wouldn’t you call me?” I’m also asking myself why I didn’t say yes to his requests to spend time together.
    I don’t want to ramble lol. I mostly wanted to let you know that I’m lifting up you, your brother and your family/friends right now. And you’re not at all lone in this. Like the other commentor, we’ve gotta seek help and to keep feeling whatever we feel.

    Lmk if there’s anything I can do for you!!!

    1. Oh I’m so sorry about your brother. If you’re like me you can’t imagine the mental or emotional state they were in. I came back to work today just to try and get into a routine and to put my mind on something else. But it’s hard to focus. But thank you for sharing. It helps

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