I don’t know how to deal

I received word this past Thursday that one of my older brothers committed suicide. He lived, but on life support for 3 days and was pronounced brain dead and his life support was pulled on Monday. We all loved him so very much. He leaves a wife and 3 children behind, he was 40… and 5 siblings including myself behind…I am so confused. I almost don’t know which way is up anymore. Everyone who spoke to him up till that day said he was his normal happy self. I have so many questions….and they will probably never get answered: was there anything I could have done? Said? That would have stopped him??? He was very close with us and I always bragged about him. He had bipolar disorder and manic depression, even still he has been through so much.. so why now??? Is feeling confused,hurt and angry normal???

One thought on “I don’t know how to deal

  1. Yes all of your feelings are normal. It’s been three months since I lost my younger sister. She was 27. I feel all of those emotions every day. She had BPD and struggled but no one saw it coming. I am still in shock. Half of me went with her that day. I wonder why every day. I miss her every minute and the pain is excruciating and never ends. Never let anyone tell you how you are feeling isn’t normal. People sometimes expect more of me—like I should be better now than I am, or that I should be handling it all better by now….it’s only been three months! It still feels like yesterday.

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