I as old as you were

It has been just over seven years since I last saw you and you took your own life. I remember siting in your garage listing to new music albums. Playing darts, laughing, joking. You always were there for me. Your were more then a brother, you were like a father to me. You protected me from the abuse of our other tormented siblings. You gave me hope for a better future and always made me feel good about myself when I felt useless in a complex word. You feed my love for music and encouraged me to play as many instruments as I could hold. It is hard to believe that the time has passed like this. I felt like our time together was just beginning when you left. I regret not being there for you like you were there for me. You were in pain and I could not see it. Your passing broke me so bad that I could not even go to your funeral or carry you casket. I didn’t want to believe that you were gone. I still dream of you at night. You still give me advice even when you are gone. The other night I dreamt you came back and that you just had to get away for a while.It is hard for me to be around your kids cause they look so much like you. They have your heart for sure! I miss the long nights drinking with you. I miss the food you created, you made being a stoner fun. I am still in denial that you are gone. Thanks for the good times. I hope we will meet again in some life after this. We will listen to some terrible country music and I will never complain about it again. You will always be a huge part of who I am. I love you buddy. I just can’t believe I am as old now as you were when you left. I am still broken.

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