Did you know?

My sister Amanda… did you know when you shot yourself that you would take the whole family with you in one way or another? It’s been two years and the latest casualty is that our other sister left this earth almost 2 years to the day of your suicide. No, she did not go the same way. She had a heart attack. But who dies of at heart attack at her age? I cannot believe anything except that she died of a broken heart. I loved you so deeply; you were my best friend and I think you were her best friend too. She was so lonely after you left! I miss you too, but I am staying strong, by God’s grace, for the sake of mom and dad and your child and my children and my one last remaining sister. I ask anew, “why???”, and I know, but I don’t know, the reason. I hope I will see you again some day. Until then, I will cry more than I ever thought I could.

1 thought on “Did you know?

  1. God bless you. So heartbreaking. I feel it myself every day. I don’t know your specific situation but my counselor told me that sometimes people go around at 99% sure they want to do this for quite awhile. When they decide obviously they can’t be stopped. And also, I’m sure you know…..its not your fault! Nothing makes it better. I read what you said about your other sister….I sometimes literally feel like I could die of sadness. We haven’t reached our first anniversary yet…so dreading the fact that we will all always be sad! Hugs hugs hugs to you. . . I guess we just have to keep looking for the blessings and joys we still have. I make myself get in nature (the beach for me) with my dogs or get with people who really love me and make me laugh. Hang in there Sibling Survivor. You are loved!

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