As I sit at my desk, working overtime at the law office in NYC, I have been doing my best to put my head down and trudge through life without you Rebecca. Just as you would have wished for me to keep going. However, sometimes I just can’t think straight, my mind becomes paralyzed thinking about you and how empty I feel inside and in life without your living presence. Since you chose to leave my life in early December, ironically enough while I was working, I have been distracting myself with work and use it as a crutch to escape the painful recollection and cold reality that you are no longer here. No one to text, no one to send goofy memes to, and more importantly, no other sibling to brighten mom’s and dad’s life. Most of the time, I close out that part of me to save face in public but when I am sitting at my desk either at work or my apartment, I can’t help but think of your everlasting memory and sometimes just break down at the mere glance of a photo of us and our wonderful family of four. Today has been tougher than many of the more recent months. The reason primarily being that I cannot believe mom’s birthday is in 2 days and dad’s is in 4, and I don’t know what to get them. I know you would say “I don’t either” but I know you would have an idea on what books to get mom or dad and what music/TV show/movie I should get for them. As I sit in the office, trying to keep myself together, all I wish is that you don’t bear the weight of your demons anymore, the stresses, problems, depression and angst, and that you grant mom and dad the greatest gift of all, a sense of peace and happiness in your absence. Love, your big brother
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