afraid of love

I wrote you a letter when I was 11, and I told you I loved you. I told you not to die. by your hands or any other. I am afraid of love now. to take it in, to receive it, even to be near it. it makes me so uncomfortable. it scares me, it makes me lash out. I am trying to heal. I am trying to get better. I don’t blame you. I just need to tell someone. I’m 22 now, and I think I’m in love. this won’t work unless I let it, but I don’t know how. I will learn. I have to learn, or things will only get worse.

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