7 Months…I miss him soooo much (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

My baby brother committed suicide on September 29,2017, I can still picture the exact moment and the exact words when I got the call from my mom. I’ve been searching for ways to cope. I’m no longer in denial about the fact that I need to seek professional help.
I miss him so much. No day has been the same since he’s been gone. In this moment I can’t even sleep. Just laying here crying as I looked at his pictures. I wish he’d send me a sign or left a letter. I have so many unanswered questions. I know being gay, having cancer, and coping with HIV was extremely difficult for him. I just wish he’d call and said goodbye. This chapter will never close and I have this huge feeling of guilt.
I never thought that I’d have to deal with anything like this in life. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I’m drowning in grief to the point that I can’t even clearly recall our last conversation. I’m pretending to be okay for my family and work but deep down inside I break down a little each day. My family has been very supportive but I need more than that. I need answers that I’ll never get…

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2 Responses to 7 Months…I miss him soooo much (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

  1. Julie says:

    I totally understand your pain. My brother killed himself on July 3, 2017. I am so sad and miss him so much. I am so sorry that you lost your brother. There are no words to ever take away the pain we feel. I, too, feel guilty for being alive. He was my baby brother. I am 47, he was 42. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him.

    I will say that therapy is helping me some. It feels good to go and talk about him. It is like he is still here with us. I feel close to him when I talk about him. I wish he was still here. We did not get answers or a goodbye either. I will pray for you and if you are a praying person, please pray for me and the family he left behind.

    BIG hugs,
    Julie

  2. Bunny says:

    I lost my big sissy April 21st, 2018 to suicide. Ohhh, my soul is in unbearable pain. If she would have let me come to her would she still be alive? I miss you Annie. I love you. Xoxo I think I need help to deal with this. My pain.

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