My sister hung herself in her dorm

My sister hung herself and left notes. She was younger than me. That raises some heads because some people think that the older one usually feels suicidal. I was suicidal before, but wasn’t serious. She was serious.
QUESTION:
Do some of you feel destructive or more irritated or annoyed by people, such as your significant other or your parents? I blew up a few times, and had violent dreams of beating up my dad.
Do some of you notice a physical difference in experiencing the outside world? I’m more sensitive to sound now, weird.
Do some of you notice how fake someone is after the death? I was friends with people who didn’t even check up on me, or shoot me a text.
And then there were people who just came out of nowhere saying that they were here for me but they never were there for me before.
My sister suffered from depression. She hung herself with a belt and a rope with a knot on the end of the rope to hold herself on the top of the door. She succeeded, and probably did research. I sometimes think she did what she needed to do. I sometimes think that she was brave. I couldn’t have done that. She was brave enough to take that leap.
I was the first to know the death of my sister because my parents were out of the country. I had to wait to tell the news.
We go through some things in life but never have I ever thought of going through this. It makes me sad how I’m even on this site.

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2 Responses to My sister hung herself in her dorm

  1. Mike's sister says:

    Yes, all off those feelings are normal. I am a calm person and I had outbursts and violent dreams too. For me, physical effects wore off in about 8-9 months. But the psychological and emotional wounds are still there. Softening, but aching. People don’t know how to deal with death and certainly not suicide. I used to have the closest of friendships with three women and I often feel very distant and isolated now. But there is still beauty in life. We learned a painful truth that nothing in this world is permanent. Not the joy, not the pain. They all come in waves. Learning to pick yourself up after losing a sibling feels impossible but we do it whether we want to or not. I wish you all the best.

  2. Lily says:

    Anger and feel “on edge” is one of the signs of depression. I learned that after feeling like I was going through post partum and then dealing with my bro’s death after Xmas. Getting help earlier and admitting you need help with prevent it from getting worse. Plus, the grieving comes in waves. It never really ends. You just learn how you grieve and what to do. I have days where I need to be alone, read, talk to him and cry for a couple of days.

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