What’s my new normal?

My little brother hung himself on June 13th. I’ve been on autopilot for the past week, taking care of my parents, trying to help my Mom struggling through the knowledge that my brother was a professed atheist. Relegated to the role of helper, fixer, runner, even to make sure our “guests” had seats, drinks, were comfortable and were all properly and graciously greeted and thanked for attending. Does anyone realize that we, as brothers and sisters lost someone too? Sorry, I’m just mad.

7 thoughts on “What’s my new normal?

  1. I lost my younger brother in November 2004. 17 days after his 17th birthday. I was 19.

    The whole family unit (what was left) turned in to a mess, my Mum took off interstate, my Grandmother (that found my brother) moved in with my Aunty (who likes to think that the only person in the world that feels anything is her) and I ended up at my boyfriend’s at the time.

    When it happened, that night I went to his friend’s house to make sure they were ok. I didn’t even go home for 3 days, knowing that the inevitable storm was coming.

    What did everyone do? Thought about themselves, I had to care for everyone else’s feelings, and it honestly didn’t even feel anyone stopped to consider mine. I distanced myself away from everyone – minimal contact.. and what do I get, made to feel bad for still not being there for everyone else.

    I guess my point of this is:

    It’s been so long, and I’m still mad. Could I have made better decisions? Yes. And as much as it sucks, you will miss them more every year, but with every year, it will become that little bit easier. You will grow and be strong from this. But don’t lose yourself in this, stick up for yourself, and remember you aren’t alone.

  2. Sibling loss is one of the most under rated losses in our country. You can usually find more sympathy cards on the death of a pet than a sibling and yet out siblings are our closest biological relationship of our whole lives. I totally understand your anger.

  3. Sometimes I feel that the pain of losing a sibling is gravely overlooked. I lost my beloved brother this past November and this pain is like no other!! We are a family of 6 siblings. 5 girls and one boy. The boy, our beautiful brother is gone. ? gone forever. Each one of my sister’s had a unique relationship with him so we have unique yet common pain. It’s complex. I pray that all of us can have the strength to get through such tragedy. In the beginning months I was on edge in sheer shock auto pilot. Loud noises were annoying. People who I thought I knew I did not. Some I thought would be there weren’t others surprises me with support. I am praying for you to have strength to carry on. Much love to you. ??

  4. Hey, I have just lost my little brother as well. He shot himself in the head on May 2nd and passed away later in the ICU unit on May 3rd. He is the first person I have ever lost that was the closest to me. He phoned me just before he hurt himself and I feel guilty that i did not keep him on the line, that I did not sense that he had given up in life. I understand what you mean about feeling as though no one understands what you as a sibling is going through. All I can say is, draw a line in your heart and take care of yourself, Grieve the loss of your brother and feel all the anger and sadness you want to feel. I refused to leave my room after my brother passed, I refused to see anyone, attend funeral meetings and almost did not go to the funeral. I was too broken, and all I wanted was my brother back.Trust that God know where your brother is and that he knew his little heart. Atheist or not, only God truly knew his heart deep down and loves him still. it is alright to be mad. Take care of yourself though, because the grief does not go away it just gets prolonged.

  5. I’m in the same spot now. My younger sister killed herself with helium. Yet I have to be running around taking care of her stuff, her banking , the police in addition to making arrangements for hotels, card and the funeral. Everyone is calling me to make arrangements and asking me to be take care of my parents. Nobody asked how I felt. My own sister passed away and they act like I’m everyone’s PA. I understand that they think they are encouraging me but it just stresses me out and makes me angry.

  6. It’s perfectly fine and reasonable to be angry. Use this website as your outlet, and maybe tell some of your friends or family that you feel this way. It will help.

  7. I completely understand how you feel. What is my “new” normal. Right now it doesn’t seem real? I can’t imagine the rest of my life without my little brother in it. He was such a huge part of my life. I know I must go on for my own children and husband but especially by brother’s son. I know they need me now more than ever. I do find some strength in that. However, trying to be strong on the outside when you are falling apart on the inside is difficult and at times overwhelming. I pray that you find your peace and understanding. I know that I will never get over this but somehow come through it stronger on the other side. I just wonder how long this cycle of grief and overwhelming pain will last. It has been difficult to just get out of bed and try to do simple things! Even those are hard. I just want a timeline of how long this is going to hurt to this degree. I know that no one can give me that answer. I just keep asking God to help me and give me some peace and understanding.

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