It was my fault

My brother took his life a little more than three months ago. I completely see it as my fault. I had this built up resentment against him because I had heard something he said about me. I don’t even remember what it was.
I had been contemplating doing the same thing a week before but I changed my lifestyle to shift. I constantly think that it should have been me. I miss him so much.
I saw the text. I saw the last text that he would ever send. And I didn’t even open it. He said he loved us (group message). The only one to reply was my mom.
I don’t know how to grieve. I’ve never had a loss in my family before. I didn’t see this coming. I was focused on petty drama. I can’t shake the feeling that it was either my fault or should’ve been me.
I miss you Albert. I love you

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2 Responses to It was my fault

  1. Lisa says:

    Its not your fault hun. We all feel like that when we loose a sibling to this. Keep your head up and take one day at a time. That is all you can do. Take care of yourself and focus on the here and now. That was the only way I survived through my brother’s suicide. I didnt focus on what had happened: what is done is done. I didnt look into the future: I wasnt sure I had one. I just focused on getting through TODAY. And you WILL!

  2. Claire says:

    I understand. I lost my little sister last November and I feel very responsible. I was being petty and inconsiderate while she was struggling to stay alive. I have to keep telling myself that there is more to it than my behaviour. Siblings bicker and feel resentment towards each other regularly and it doesn’t usually end with someone ending their life. So it has to be more complicated. I hope you are coping okay.

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