I’m so mad at you.

Paul, I can’t believe you did this to us. How could you choose to kill yourself the day after your son’s birthday? Why did you stop speaking to us? Our mother is broken and your wife is so lost. I had to hug you children when we put your box in the ground knowing that I will never have the words to make them feel better. I just had a baby boy and you will never meet him. I feel angry at you for doing this to us. I always looked up to you for making it through our troubling childhood – now you’re gone. You gave up!!! You hung yourself in your own home around your small children the day after Christopher’s birthday!!!! What the hell was so bad that you had to do that! You had a beautiful house a great job, a loving wife. I just don’t understand. Now I have no choice but to be cold about this so I can be understanding with mom and take care of the new baby. If I were to let myself feel I would be so lost. I hope one day I can forgive you. I will always love you.

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