Welcome to the Sibling Survivors Site!

The Sibling Survivors of Suicide Loss site aims to provide a safe place for anyone who has lost a sister or brother to suicide. It’s a place to share memories, discuss your feelings and experiences, and to share photos. It’s a place to connect with others who also miss their sister or brother.

The site was created in 2001 by Michelle Linn Gust. She passed the site on to the POS-FFOS Internet Community in November of 2014. It officially re-opened on January 4, 2015.

We invite you to explore the site and participate. We need you; help us make this site a safe and supportive place for other sibling survivors. You can participate by Creating a  Guest Post, sharing an Inspirational Thought or Message, or Writing a Letter to your Sibling. Please see those pages for more information.

Sibling Survivors is maintained by volunteers from the Parents of Suicides (POS) and Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS) Internet Community and others. Learn more about these groups on the About Us page.

I wasn’t able to tell you goodbye

The phone rang around 8:00 a.m. on the morning of January 10, 2024. My older brother was up way too early to be calling me. It’s now been a little more than three months, yet the shock of the news of your death from the evening before delivered to me that day still saddens me, scares me, and leaves me with a sense of loss.

I write this letter to you trying to understand why my little brother would take his own life. I have felt guilt since you died. Did I do enough to let you know I was proud of you? Your struggles with incarceration and a drug addiction is something I never understood, but I still never stopped loving you. On the outside looking in, it appeared to me, mom, and our brothers and sisters that you had finally found your way in life.

I know there were times we didn’t agree. There were times I’m sure I hurt your feelings. I know I’m not responsible for your death, but I do feel guilty and am responsible for not doing enough to help you.

Until we meet again. Love and miss you brother.

Lost My Little Brother to Suicide

I recently lost my younger brother (age 45) on 3/15/24 to suicide. I am now an only child when all I have known is having my brother. I thought we would grow old together. I thought he would always be there with me after my parents are gone. I have 2 daughters. He did not have any children and lived alone. He struggled to have relationships as he was judged. I think something really bad happened on the internet and I am so scared to find out what they may have been.I had to go over to my parent’s house in my pajamas the other morning as my mom called me sobbing. It is heartbreaking. I have been off this past week but go back to work tomorrow and as a provider, I had to have my staff put all the potentially suicidal patients on someone else’s schedule as I don’t think I could take it having to hear someone else wanting to end their life.

The oddest part is he wasn’t a depressed person or he hid it well. I had more issues with depression than he did. The morning of he sent me a text saying his facebook was hacked. He also had talked to my mom and seemed very upset about some interaction on the internet. None of us know what actually happened but there is an investigation and we are still waiting for information. Part of me wonders if he was going through something though.

It has hit me hard. I still think I am in some sort of nightmare and I will wake up and tell him that thank god this is not real. But I have not waken up and it has been almost 10 days.

Prayers to all of you who have had to endure this pain.

Dear Gregory

My dear brother,It has been almost 5 months since you chose to end your life. Although I’m still alive, a part of me died when I found out you died. I’m trying to keep it together, but it takes so much work to simply do simple things that seemed so easy before you died. Small tasks take so much effort now that you’re gone. I cry almost daily and although the pain hasn’t gotten better, I have accepted the fact that I will never see you again. I wish you could have seen a 1 minute glimpse of all the pain and suffering you have left behind. If you had, I know you would never have killed your self. You were a great man; you wouldn’t want us to be feeling like this. Mom is devastated. Liam & Olivia need their daddy. We all miss you so much…we ache so much without you. Everything has changed; we will never be the same. You had my dream job of being a secret service special agent; I looked up to you so much, but I never told you that. I wish I had told you how brave I thought you were. I love and miss you so much. Please send us all strength from wherever you are.

I love you always,


Missing my brother

My older brother took his own life very unexpectedly on January 22, 2024. He was discovered the next day by family. My heart is broken and I know I will never be the same. I had just talked to him a couple days before the incident and I knew he had been fighting with his wife. He told me he was very tired of it but I figured it was just another one of their episodes and he had always said he was tired of it. I wish I could go back and read the signs better and had gotten him some help. We don’t know the real reason he took his life and we will probably never know. It’s extremely painful not knowing the answers or reasons. I keep thinking about all our future plans and how we were suppose to grow old together. I miss everything about him. I do forgive him because he was truly unhappy in a lot of ways and he would always tells me that he was just venting and just wanted me to listen. I’m going to miss our calls and I am taking it day by day to get thru the grief.

I lost my younger brother and my soul is broken

I lost my younger brother on January 3rd, 2024. Im the oldest and have 4 kids of my own and I swear I felt like he was my kid too. He just turned 31 and has been battling with addiction for some time. I would try and check in with him and he would brush it off and say he’s fine.

He had so much going for him, I had him move back in with us because he was saying he didn’t like to be alone.

The night he passed, He apparently took way too much of multiple drugs including magic mushrooms and had a bad trip after a fight that had happened between him and a friend of ours I sent to check on him. He ended up jumping from our 6th floor balcony as they pretty much watched. I blame myself because I wasn’t home to save him or I shouldn’t have called the friend. I haven’t been the same, i don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I’m struggling with this hard and just want my brother back.

My Little Brother

October 19th 2021 the link in our chain was broken, the oldest of my 2 brothers was gone, he took his own life. Handsome, funny, brilliant. He discovered his wife of 21 years was cheating on him, is that the reason why? We will never know. Having lost my husband and parents, I know grief but not this kind. I miss him. I was your big sister, I wish you would have reached out instead of this rash decision. Forever loved & missed.

10/4 The worst day of my life I lost my brother m

At 38 weeks pregnant I received the news that my younger brother took his own life. I am one of four kids and him and I were the middle kids we had a special bond. It has only been 4.5ish months but I’m starting to get bigger waves of grief. I think due to the fact that I couldn’t process what was happening at the time because I had to have a baby via c section the following week. Then I had to try and be happy because that’s what having a baby is supposed to feel. The first months I’ve blacked out for the most part and honestly I’ve just been moving on day to day for my 3 kids and trying to keep going. This feeling of the why haunts me everyday. I’ve read the grief books but I still feel like this isn’t real this can’t be my life. Whenever I’m with my parents I try and put on a strong front for them so they don’t need to worry and they can just focus on grieving my brother.

Hi W

I’ve started to feel some anger now. It never really crossed my mind in the early years bc I just missed you and was trying to protect you from any person that would suggest anything bad about you. Now I’m starting to feel angry. It has been a decade. I was just so frozen. I didn’t want to be mad at you really. I was concentrating on the pain you must have felt. It’s been years of pressure from declining parents and unrest with siblings. It’s been so tiring. I can’t even begin to describe the impact. Mom and Dad declined so much and it’s been so hard. I really wish you had been here for support. I really needed you. We all did and do. Some how I picture you up there in heaven having a good time and that makes me mad. It has just been so much suffering. In another way I am comforted by this thought of you doing well but in another way I’m angry. Why did this have to happen? Why did it get so bad? I guess I’m stronger now but I didn’t want the strength to come like this and for this reason. I feel like I don’t have much more to give. It’s been so much caregiving. I’m so tired. I just really wish you’d be able to come back. For comfort. I miss you and all the fun times we had.

6 Days After Turning 49

I just lost my younger brother to suicide on December 27, 2023. He had just turned 49 on December 21st. He is the baby of the family out of all 4 of us siblings and I am only a year and a half older than him. We were very close throughout most of our lives. I was his only sister and tried to always be there for him. I am a wreck. My heart physically hurts and the guilt is overwhelming. I am still numb. I’m having trouble sleeping and eating.
He was diagnosed bipolar and fighting mental illness for a long time. I’m struggling to wrap my head around him being gone.
I have never felt this kind of sorrow.
Love you always my little Brother.

To K


It’s been almost 9 years now. I’ve really been living by the whole “grief doesn’t shrink, life gets bigger around it” thing. I graduated college but my own mental health is still bad, even on meds so I’m still living with mom and unemployed at 26 :/.

I just don’t know where to go in life really. Everything makes me feel bad and reminds me of you and our trauma overall really. I’m just used to you being there to mark the path before me and without a big sister I have to face all of it alone with no example set for me. I’m older than the few friends I have and none of them struggle the way we both have so they don’t really get it. I’m trying to forge a path on my own but I still feel like a little kid, completely lost in the woods without you.

I haven’t given up on my art and have improved a lot since you saw it last but I still feel disappointed every time I finish a painting and you’re not there to see it. I listened to an album by a band you would’ve hated bc they’re my depressing indie music, but one line the singer wrote is “I don’t want to learn anything from this”. I feel that way every time I paint you or tell someone about losing you. I don’t want you to just be a story that makes people hold their family a little closer when they hear it.

We have a stepdad now and he’s actually really great. Just when I’d given up on having real loving parents, he came into my life. I just wish you’d been around to meet him and enjoy all of the changes that have happened. I guess I would enjoy them more too if you were there to enjoy them with me like you’re supposed to be. Above anything else I miss laughing with you at stupid memes and cuddling in your awful neon magenta bedroom and doing your makeup for Xmas eve.

I hope T is with you at least and that wherever you are, you both remember playing baseball in the field with the lightning bugs and wild strawberries until it was too dark to see the ball and mom called us for dinner. I dreamt you were together after she died.
You’re missing out on H too. He’s adorable and so silly. You would’ve loved playing together.

I just hope there’s an afterlife and I see you again. I don’t want to die lately but life just doesn’t excite me. Everything seems so boring and pointless when I’m facing a future without your smile. Anyway, I hope you still exist somewhere.

Love you sis,