It’s been just shy of 3 months without my baby sister. I made it through the week after, surrounded by my siblings who flew in to spend the week together in our childhood home. I made it through the funeral a month later, soaked tissues and all.
And suddenly, a bad dream a few nights ago has thrown me back into the thick of it. I’m stuck at work behind a desk and I’m falling apart again.

I miss you so much Alyssa. My baby. I was only a month older than you but you were my darling. My animal lover, my free spirit. You cared so deeply for every living thing, and I’ll never fault you for caring too much. Though it was your big heart and guilty conscience that made you feel like you couldn’t be here anymore.

I collected your things. I wear your shoes, your jewelry. Your trinkets line my shelves and hang on my walls. Your handwriting is inked into my skin. Its not enough.

Please lend me some strength. I know it will get better- it has to. But I’ve been so weak lately. I pray you visit me again in my dreams.