My brother, the literal other half of me, took his life and I found him

My brother, 26, had everything going for him in life. He was extremely well loved and amazing at everything he attempted. He was living his dream sailing in the South Pacific with my father and had solid life plans going forward with a girlfriend he met there. I don’t know what to do. He was my idol, and my world. He came back to visit for 3 months and I found him and I feel like my life will never be the same. Before this incident I felt like I had it all, a great girlfriend, a family, we’re buying a house, and becoming totally independent, and I’m solid in a career I love. Now it feels like I just want to phase the days away. I see his body hanging there in my waking or sleeping mind and I can’t deal with it. Please, somebody help me with what I should do

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3 Responses to My brother, the literal other half of me, took his life and I found him

  1. Poppet says:

    Hi there. I’m so sorry for your loss. My younger brother took his life in June this year, he too, by hanging. I don’t really have any advice. I did not see his body but every single night since, I have lay awake and try to imagine HOW he may have looked. I have a young family and have just started university, I feel like I’m just going through the motions now. I don’t even care to study anymore. I hope that you are receiving/ might consider some counselling. I know the image of what you saw is right now burned into the forefront of your mind, I hope with time it will fade. Take care.

    • Sarah says:

      Hi it will not make it any easier but I direct you to look at akathasia – it is what happens when someone has a bad reaction to a drug, antidepressants or even tablets for acne. If someone has an ADR,an adverse drug reaction, they can get akathasia and have suicidal thoughts and sometimes take their life because their mind has effectively been poisoned. My brother last September started taking an antidepressant on a Thursday and five days later took his life by jumping off his building. He was a brilliant lawyer with everything to live for and two children. I can’t advise more on grief and how to deal with it but perhaps your siblings had started taking medication of some sort. I am not sure honestly if it makes it better or worse for me knowing my brother had an ADR .

  2. Adam says:

    Hi, it’s been a year and a half since my sister killed herself, but I still vividly recall the feelings I had the first few months. Like you, I just wanted to make it through each day. There’s not much you can do other than put one day after another and go about your life. You’ll be sad, angry, depressed, which is all normal, but over time things will get better I promise you. The biggest mistake I made was not talking to anyone and pretending like everything was fine, when it wasn’t. If you can talk to someone you trust you should. I eventually did after about a year, and things started to get better. I wish I’d done it sooner. I blamed myself sometimes, but after a while you’ll realize there’s nothing you could’ve done. Just hang in there and put living your life first. You never will forget, but you still owe it to yourself to live your life. Hope it helps.

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