I can’t describe my brother in words. I always tried and ended up saying you’ll just have to meet him. Kevin was my lifeline which makes me feel slightly guilty for depending on him so much. He was the only person who knew about my eating disorder. He was the one who would pick me up when I was too drunk to come home. He was the one to wipe my tears when I was dumped out of nowhere. We lived together all of our lives. The only time apart was during college. He came to me in his last moments asking for help. I tried to do the right thing, but he ended up taking his own life in the 30 seconds I left him alone. I love him more than words can describe, and I have no idea how to live the rest of my life without him. He was the one who wanted to fall in love. He was the one who wanted a full life. He was good. He was the guy who stood up for someone who no one wanted to stand up for. He was the protector of the ones who just couldn’t help themselves. I’m left alone without him and with the survivor’s guilt, where it should have been me. He was too good for this world. We talked constantly about taking on adulthood and how we would conquer it and take over the world metaphorically. He left me alone. He left me to find him. I kept him alive until he got to the hospital, but there’s not much you can do in this state that he was in. Not only do I have to get over what I saw, I have to figure out how I live the rest of my life without him. I gave up on romantic love, because he fulfilled my basic needs, obviously not sexually. I love him where the words can describe and this has absolutely wrecked my family. We love each other and we will get through this, but he was absolutely the bridge and the rock between my parents and myself. He taught me how to have a positive relationship with my mom and how to talk to her and communicate with her in a way that didn’t always result in us fighting.