I lost my brother on August 11th 2019. The police came to my door and I had to notify my family. I’m broken to this day. He hung himself overseas. I now have no contact with my niece and nephews overseas because of his ex-wife. I’ve lost a brother and three children and I have so much hatred to his ex it’s making my insides curl. I’m sad. I’m angry. My family is a mess. I’m terrified of the thoughts that go thru my head. I’ve been to counseling and have joined group therapy starting Jan 14, 2020. This has just been the most horrible thing and I don’t know how I will make it through and have a “happy life” now. I’m just beat down and feel alone. I’m just spent.
I am so sorry for your loss – I know all too well the feelings you are going through right now. Please know that much of what you’re feeling is normal, especially after such an unexpected and tragic loss. It is also normal to feel anger at someone – my parents blamed my brother’s ex-girlfriend for breaking up with him right before he died. I have learned in time that it was his own mental health and other challenges that contributed to that final moment (not to diminish what your brother went through). Take the time to feel your feelings – it’s good that you are creating a support system. This is very soon in the loss so take it easy. Rest, reach out, and try to find something to take comfort in – some memories of your brother that can bring you peace. You will be in my thoughts and prayers…
Your story sounds very similar to mine. Today marks 1 year since my bro committed suicide. Nothing is or ever will be the same. There were moments I actually thought my heart would stop beating cuz I yearned so bad 4 my brother. The relationship w/ my nieces & nephews is strained by his widow who was cheating on my bro. I understand the hate, the anger, the rage that comes from this type of heartbreak. If u ever need to reach out 2 someone & just vent who won’t judge you… I’m here. I know all too well just how dark the days can get.