Dear Gavin,We’ve cycled around the the moon phase. The day before a full moon. I resent the moon for continuing to rise while you cannot. I resent the sky for not cracking apart and swallowing every last one of us. I resent the world for lacking an ability to pause, rewind, or fast forward. I feel like a large piece of who I am is gone. So much of my life was spent hanging out with you or looking out for you. Now that you’re gone, my eyelids hurt. The salty tears keep trying in vain to wash away the pain, but my heart still hurts. I wish I could have prevented this. I wish I could have helped you slay the monster. I keep watching your favorite shows just to drag myself out of real life into the world we shared. I like Supernatural and Golden Girls is very cute.
I hope you got everything you ever wanted in death, because your life was too short. What if I live to be 81 I will have lived for three of your lifetimes. Mom misses you like crazy, Dad has the emotional range of a teaspoon and is trying his best to keep her fed and moving.
I have SO many regrets in this life because I wasnt there for you enough. I had three children and I forgot about my first baby. I still remember when you came home from the hospital. So squishy and so yummy. I loved you before I met you. You sparked a love for babies in me that I still chase to this day….
Please watch out for us down here. We are very vulnerable in our sorrow.
I wish you could come back. Sam and Dean could save you.
I love you & I hope I will see at the end of the tunnel.
