My brother took his own life by hanging on January 23rd 2017. I remember that night more than any other night, the weather was absolutely aweful. He had recently split from his fiancé and she had not let him see his two young daughters in almost a week. We never knew that he had been suffering from depression and anxiety. He left us a video explaining this and how he couldn’t live without his fiancé. He felt that Suicide was the only option he had. He left behind 3 young children, as well as his two daughters he also has a son from a previous relationship. There’s just myself and my sister now trying to be strong for our mum. We all struggle everyday, some days I don’t even want to go outside the house. I cry a lot, mainly when I am on my own. I sit at my dinner table looking at the door, praying for him to walk in. I miss him so much, we were close growing up. I wish I had known how broken he was and been able to help him. It’s almost a year now since he’s been gone, it’s passed is by in a blur tbh. I feel that it’s not getting any better though, I feel it’s getting worse. I sometimes just lie in bed looking at the ceiling, overthinking it all. Punishing myself of things I could have done. He’s all I think of from the moment I wake until the moment I go to sleep. I dream of him most nights. I just can’t imagine spending the rest of my life living in this way. It breaks my heart to look in my mums eyes and see how broken she is. My brother was the oldest just 30 years old when he took his own life. I’m 30 now just recently turned and our sister is 19. I really need someone to talk to who has lost a brother/sister to Suicide. I’m in a six year relationship but my partner doesn’t really understand how I feel inside.