I lost my little brother almost 9 weeks ago. He hid his pain from everyone in his life so his loss was a complete surprise to my family and to everyone else in his life. Now, I have a few “okay” days, but then, days like today, are absolute hell on earth. I have so many questions that will never be answered and it eats away at me from the inside. I don’t know how I am going to carry this for the rest of my life. It’s so, so hard. I want him back so much and I know that’s selfish, but I can’t help myself. I would have done anything to help him and I’m so disappointed in myself that he didn’t reach out to me for help; I have a lot of regret about things I should or could have done. His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much all the time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother many years ago, and while nothing takes that pain away, I want you to know you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. The questions and the heaviness can be overwhelming, especially in early on. With time, it doesn’t disappear, but it does become more bearable, and moments of light slowly find their way back in. Be gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve.
Thinking of you.