My brother hung himself in precinct after telling my younger sister he would try to end it every chance he got . I feel like I failed my big brother. I have seen him suffering his entire life especially as a teenager wanting something from our mother she refused to give . I became my brothers keeper and it feels like as soon as I reached to my other family for help cuz I was so drained . I didn’t fulfill my duty as a sister . I wanted to bail him out but part of me wanted my other brother to spend his money to humble and show him money isn’t everything – let’s do a good deed with it . I wish we never bailed him out the first time. He skipped bail eventually and got picked up on another charge and killed himself . I feel sick and I feel like it’s my fault somehow in some way.
I lost my big brother too, last week. I watched his suffering his whole life, but I was never able to talk to him or say anything right. On the day, he kept joking about jumping the balcony. I hid all the knives. But I failed to call help when he needed it. Instead I chose to drive him to the hospital, but he didn’t make it. I made too many mistakes and waited too long. It feels like I failed him.