High School Memories

Is anyone else out there experiencing this?
My sister hung herself in 2017, at the end of her last year of highschool. I was in grade 10 at the time. Now I’m in my last year of highschool at the same school we’ve both been attending for a while.
I see a lot of teachers around who taught her and sometimes I feel the urge to go up to them and ask them if they remember her. Because sometimes, it feels like no one does.
My parents don’t like talking about her. Based on the circumstances, I’ve always thought it was their fault she passed away. And I know that’s selfish and probably just to relieve my own guilt.. or maybe the whole event was an accident and she didn’t mean to go that far and she meant for someone to find her before it was too late. Anyway, whenever my parents do talk about her, it feels unfair and like they remember her in ways that are only to comfort themselves. Like they don’t know her at all.
She did hide alot from them because they are extremely conservative and controlling.
I’d like to think that some of those teachers remember her. Nowadays, everything has lost the edge that it used to have.
The stakes in everything have somehow become nothing and it feels like every day could come and at the same time, if tomorrow wasn’t here I wouldn’t mind.
My feelings are weak and I feel like I try to compensate for this lack of caring by over-exaggerating and loving and hating things but really there’s nothing I feel towards them. I don’t know if there’s any real advice out there, or anything that would mean something to me anymore but I’d like to know if anyone else feels the same way. And is equally confused about their future and their past and everything.

One thought on “High School Memories

  1. I feel the exact same way. My sister had isolated herself from all her old friends as the years went by after she graduated high school and she never made anymore very close ones. After she hung herself, all I could think was who would come to the funeral. We didn’t have one, no one even brought it up. She had sold literally all her belongings right before she died. My parents don’t talk about her, there’s no photos around really, I feel like she existed, and now she doesn’t and the world has no idea.

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