Dear Sissy,

I know I never called you Sissy in life but it always comes to mind when I think of you now. I miss you so much. I can’t believe you’re gone.

When our brother called to tell me, I thought for sure there was some mistake, that maybe they had the wrong person…but I guess they didn’t, because it’s been three months and I haven’t heard from you. And I know they know their work, so they’re right, but I want so much for it not to be true.

I’m supposed to write your obituary but I can’t yet. I’ve written one before, so it shouldn’t be so hard, but our grandma was old and I understood losing her. If I write your obituary, I have to admit that you’re really gone, and I’m not ready yet. I’m still here talking to you.

I wanted to know you more. We tried really hard but living a thousand miles apart our whole lives made it hard. I appreciated your encouragement and how you thought I was great, even when others didn’t see it.

The last time I left, I didn’t know it would be the last time I saw you, but maybe the universe was telling me, because it was so hard to leave – it physically hurt. It felt like home with you and my brother, but I had to come back to this home because my children were here and they needed me. It was like I couldn’t possibly have both my homes together and I had to give one up.

I find a little comfort thinking you probably didn’t do it because you were in intense pain, like my special friend who left just after you. You were on a mission, and maybe it worked? What do I know? But I still miss you so much.

Did you know we never got a picture with the five of us together? I was thinking it in the month before you left. I couldn’t think of a way we could all be close enough to get one, and now we never can.

I’m sad that I have to be here without you. I know I still have work to do, but it’s so much harder without you here believing in me, cheering me on. I try to remember your voice but it’s fading. I miss you so much, My Sissy.

RT